This week's illustration is a sad one for me. It's a sketch I did of my mother after she developed cancer and a couple of weeks before she died. The thing about my memories of my mother now is that I can only remember the way she looked when she was sick and dying, those memories are seared into my brain and I can't get rid of them.
My mother also had memory issues before she died, and often didn't remember who I was. She mistook me for one of her nieces, which was very difficult for me to deal with.
This sketch shows the blankness in her face as her own memories faded away, and as mine were indelibly changed.
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Beautiful sketch, and I'm very sorry to hear that about your mother. I'm experiencing the same with my grandmother, she has severe memory-loss and forgets who i am too, even though she pretends sometimes i can still tell she doesnt. its very hard.
ReplyDeleteugh, i'm so sorry. maybe you can find an old photo, from when she was healthy, and draw that? perhaps that will sear a more positive image into your brain? x
ReplyDeleteOh Carol,
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely picture of Mom. I know how you feel more than you know. I lost my Mom to cancer as well. For a long time I could only remember her sick and helpless. It stayed with me for many years. I would dream about the whole situation over and over again. I understand how you feel. The only snap shot you have in head is of how she looked when she was sick. My Mom didn't remember me either. This hurt more than anything. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to deal with. I lost my daughter and a year later my Mom. It's good that you could at least put a pencil to paper and get it out. It will take time. It's been a few years now and I feel a freedom that I hadn't felt in many years. I am at peace and have let Mom and my baby go. Not the memories, just the pain of loosing them. I pray that you will see Mom as healthy and whole and that your creativity will bloom and grow even more with new vision and happy memories.
a very poignant post, I am so sorry about your mother.. my father died last year and I drew him a couple of days before he died, I find it hard to look at the drawing now but my memory of his face is crystal clear to me because I studied him so closely, losing the people we love is one of the hardest parts of life..
ReplyDeleteThis is despite everything a loving tribute to your mother and a beautiful drawing. I think you will slowly find other happier memories of your mother coming to you; I'll wish that for you anyway.
ReplyDeleteCarol, it is a sad illustration, but an important one.
ReplyDeleteI lost both parents to cancer, and for a while my memories of them where of them sick and dying. But that eventually changed, especially with my mother. I now remember her as the cheerful woman who always had a flower or 2 in her hand from her garden, and a place for me at her dinner table, who tugged playfully at my ponytail and poked me with her feet as we sat on her sofa and chatted. Now I can recall her voice and the way she said my name.
I hope the good memories return for you soon, too.
Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts about my mother, it is cathartic for me to draw her and I know eventually the bad memories will fade and I'll remember her as the inquisitive, life-loving person she was.
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